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A day in the life...
June 3, 2009, 09:59 AM Rob CoheeJune 2008
I think I might have in the works a script for the next Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Get a load of this….
Last week I traveled to Itasca to facilitate an Implementation Expert course to our partners. My normal bag broke on the last trip. That carry-on bag was the best piece of luggage I had and it had about 150K miles on it. So I was bummed, and I don’t know about you guys but if I break my travel habits slightly, all things seem to go wrong.
It started with four way flashing red lights on one of the busiest streets in Omaha and the traffic delay caused me to be the last person to board the flight. Now United normally flies a 737, or more frequently a 757 from Omaha to Chicago and normally they have a free upgrade for me waiting at the ticket counter. This flight however was a Canada Air Regional Jet and of course I sat next to someone that should have paid for her seat and mine because she took up both seats. I’m no small dude so her girth held me solid enough that if we crashed I would have been soundly protected by her…. Ampleness.
All else went well during the two day class, I offered to take a couple of the guys to the airport and we arrived about 2 ½ hours prior to my flight. 5:15 PM. I got to security and the priority line was two to three times longer than the “ma and pa, I had no idea I had to take off my rodeo belt buckle” line. So that kinda sucked. I get through security and I see that the previous flight to Omaha was delayed – ah, my lucky day. I haul arse to the gate and I can see the door attendant and the ticket agent yelling at each other – literally yelling back and forth. She wants to close the door and the ticket gal is saying that there are 14 seats empty and people standing here that want to fill them – including me. She closes the door….
Ah, no biggie – it would have been nice to get home early but hey I didn’t plan on it so a Grey Goose it is…. So I get down to my gate 30 min before departure, ask if 1st class is full – get my free upgrade and wait to board. As I board the plane I call my wife to let her know what time I’ll be landing. She mentioned to me that she has the kids in the basement because of the tornados in the area – sweet should be a nice landing. I ask the stewardess for a cocktail. She says no we are taking off, Rob is not happy with stewardess.
One hour into the flight the pilot says that we cannot land in Omaha due to weather and we are re-routing to Kansas City. Rob asks the stewardess for a cocktail, she complies. Rob is happy with stewardess, but does not forget previous engagement.
30 minutes later, pilot says that we cannot land in Kansas City because there is not a ground crew available to receive us. We are directed to go back to Chicago. Rob asks stewardess for a cocktail, she said that she has to take her seat. Rob is not happy with pilot, ground crew, and especially stewardess. Plane is now the ball in a game of lightning tennis, hands down the worst turbulence I have experienced.
Back at O’Hare, I call United to get a new flight – rescheduled for next day at 3:30 PM, land at 5:00. Rob walks past the line to United Customer Service and is happy he has status. I hop in a cab and ask cabbie to take me to the Hyatt Regency – 5 minute cab ride from ORD. He stops the cab and asks why I don’t take the free shuttle. I told him that he doesn’t care about the free shuttle, he’s p*ssed that he gets a short fare and don’t BS me – drive.
Automatic check in is awesome, room is OK. Down to the bar for cocktail(s). Working girl follows Rob into the bar, circles the place and sits directly across from me, Rob is annoyed by her presence. Rob orders Goose & Soda w/Lemon. Rob gets Goose & Soda with Lime. Rob is annoyed. Rob walks behind bar and grabs a lemon. Bartender is annoyed with Rob. Feeling is mutual.
12:15 AM Thursday now – bartender calls for last call. Rob owns a bar and knows that 45 minute last call is ridiculous and shares his view of things with the bartender. Bartender is annoyed with Rob. Feeling is mutual.
1:00 AM Rob is served the last cocktail – Rob is convincing when he needs to be.
12:00 PM Thursday – check out and head to ORD for 3:30 PM flight. Automatic check in cannot find my itinerary. Rob is annoyed. I head to the Premier Exec line to talk to ticket agent. 10 minutes later I’m redirected to the 1K line because PE line doesn’t have ticket agent. Rob is annoyed. Ticket agent squares me away and off to security and a noisy conference call in a noisy restaurant.
3:00 PM – Rob gets his free upgrade. Rob is ready for free cocktail.
5:30 PM – Pilot decides that repairs made over last hour and a half are still not sufficient to fly into bad weather in Omaha. We are moved to another plane. At another concourse. Concourse is 85 deg, Rob is sweating, and still thirsty.
6:30 PM – Rob boards plane and has a lovely stewardess sitting in the seat next to him. Purser provides Rob a cocktail, she is awesome.
7:00 PM - All are seated and pilot explains why he rejected last plane. Promptly explains that this plane has similar problem and will take an hour to fix. Purser provides Rob another drink, she is awesome.
7:10 PM – Gate agent states we have to de-plane the aircraft because it will get too hot on the plane. Rob gets real small in his 1st class, very comfortable seat that he is receiving free cocktails in and tries to be ignored. Purser says I can’t stay on the plane. She is no longer awesome, downgraded to cool.
8:00 PM – Re-board the plane, Purser has drink ready for Rob. Purser is awesome again. Rob lands at 9:30 and goes to pay for parking. Omaha Parking has automated tellers that won’t take my credit card so I go to an attendant. I hand Jabba my ticket and card and she slams the window shut, wobbles out of the booth and puts my card into the automatic teller. Rob gets out of truck explains in very direct terms that if my card would work in these flippin machines I would not have taken her away from the Springer episode she was so wholly engrossed in. And if she can please squeeze herself back into the booth to run my card so I can be on my way.
10:45 PM – Rob gets hugs from kids, reminded of what is important.
Cheers,
Rob
Comments
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June 17, 2009 11:13 PM Roxie Hecker
Rob- this is a bit late but I LOVED this post....loved it....lived it!
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